Stupid Things This One Guy Did

Today we got a query on colored paper from someone who had some program to reverse his text. In other words, to read the query, I had to go to the mirror above the sink in the bathroom and hold it up.

Not only that, at no point did he really mention what his book was about. He mainly focused on the fact that his writing credentials were having lost a contest to host SNL in some "anyone can host" contest NBC ran in 1977. Yes, that's right, he lost the contest. Oh, and he has a novel, or something, but he didn't mention what is was about and I was already pretty annoyed, so I don't think it mattered.

Look, don't send us text that is unreadable unless we figure out how to do something to it. I didn't think I would have to say that, but apparently I do.

Age and Gender

Blog Readers: More on my blog in general in the comments section.

Ms. Rejector,

I am a sixteen year old female author. I have one full length novel (unpublished), under my belt, as well as one half of another one. My question is, respectfully, do age and gender play a major part when a manuscript is being taken into consideration by a publisher? I know it ultimately boils down to the quality of the work as to whether or not it is picked up, but in those first stages of consideration, is my age working against me?

Gender does not work against you unless you are a male writing a story about lesbians. That is the once case where it works against you.

Age does. Don't mention your age if you are below 21 years old. It's not lying; it's just not something you should mention before they see your novel and love it.

And the hits keep coming. Hits of awesomeness.

This is a continuation of the material I quoted in this post. He/she also references some replies, so read the comments. Not that it helps.

P.S. No offense meant to Peter. Sorry, but I'm just quoting the material.

That's right, Deb. You can make 4000 queries over the course of a couple years and that's what I did.
No hyperbole. Prob'ly more. It's easy to do with the internet, one single query at a time, wait awhile, requery some.

Advice: take the time to at least put the agent's name on your form queries. And yes you too can do 4000 if you like. And get just ONE snot-nosed reply, such as from Peter Rubie. Or this asshole "leesmiley."

Yes, you bet, none of the 1999 people rejected have gotten anywhere -- so far. Anyway, it's most probable. It's easy enough to take a representative sample, and easier to check who's made deals with whom, and so on. Then search your own computer records with a search to see if anybody who queried you has made a deal.

That's right, read each individual paragraph for its own. This is internet. You've got to speed up your own comprehensions, people. If you can't, join "leesmiley" and get nowhere, forever.

Oh. Sorry, at least two snot-noses here. Andrew Wheeler, genius.

Out of time. Work to do.

One of My Rare Encouraging Posts

Dear Rejecter,

I am a young writer who actually isn't that naive or arrogant enough to think that my writing deserves publishing (but I can dream right?), however, I at least think everyone is entitled to a response. My young adult novel has gotten to the full stage with five - count them - five different agents. After at least six months for each, the agents have not replied to my check-up e-mails or phone call. One agent said they were still reviewing, but that was two months ago (after the six months). Do I have the right to be frustrated, or should I be happy that someone even might be considering my work? Or maybe the silence of the five is a consensus of suckage toward my writing? What kind of message does it send when you take the time to write a novel, edit it, send it out, get requested, and then hear nothing?

You mean all five agents not only have kept you on hold for 6 months, but also don't answer phone calls or emails? Wow. They're jerks. I would be frustrated. Ignore any exclusives you may have given and start querying other people.

Publishing is frustrating - to writers, to agents, to editors, to the guy who has to design the cover that nobody ends up being happy with - we're all very frustrated. All the time. There's a high burn-out rate in this industry. On the other hand, we occasionally get to make dreams come true, which is pretty cool.

Your manuscript is obviously of some potential for so many agents to have considered it; start querying again and hang in there.

Graphic Novels and Responses

Dear Rejecter:

My question is about the follow-up procedure on the query letters that seem to disappear into the abyss with neither rejection or request for partials/fulls.

I've cast a fairly small net at this point (only eight queries sent) as I researched potential agencies pretty thoroughly in search of agents that might be a fit both for my current fiction novel and also for me in general, since I'm also a graphic novelist (writer/artist) which seems to be a very niche market.

I have had a fairly positive response from those eight queries - two requests for partials; one request for a full; and one flat out rejection. Of the four queries that have had no response, three agencies list on both their website and in my silly little "book about agents" that they respond to queries in a certain amount of time regardless of rejection or acceptance, yet some of these are months beyond those rough dates without a word.

So do I write them off and move on, or requery?

I'll start off by saying that the graphic novel market is a niche market despite its tremendous growth, and I don't know any agents who specialize in it, or even really know if anyone does. I'm fairly sure that if you were a client to an agent and he/she sold work for you, and you approached them about a graphic novel, they would at least make some calls and point you in the direction of getting that published. That's what sub-agents, foreign agents, and whoever else is in the agent's Blackberry are for.

As to the queries that got no response, move on. They got no response. They're rejections. Agent websites are not necessarily accurate to that day, month, or even year. I would exhaust all other avenues before re-querying, and from your high response rate, it seems like you won't need to.

...I'm at a loss.

Anonymous said...

I'm a literary agent who's been on both sides of the desk. After about 4000 rejections for my own MS I got a job with a reputable agency, 30 years in biz.

In 4000 e-mail queries, I found a single snotty agent. He's opened himself to humiliation one day, as this kind of hilarity can make valuable copy.

This is no 9-to-fiver. One is up 'til the wee hours looking for quality work. In 2000 queries I found a single potential -- who didn't even follow submission rules. This first-timer is now getting thumbs-up from several "Big Guys." That's good writin'.

This is what puts food on our tables. Nobody I've rejected has got anywhere so far. We all keep watch to see how right or wrong we are.

Writers who have time for bitterness can't be very certain of themselves.

We get TONS of proposals from self-healed or been healed of something; a client's associate, incidentally, is going on Oprah for that.

My friends who have overcome worse hardships may never be heard from.

There's no pathology in turning down uninspiring queries. Many sound fraudulent. Let's get "obnoxious:" many were just too dumb to stay out of trouble. People that dumb may think they deserve a book contract and TV accolades, but their peers don't buy books anyhow.

This is a response in my "You Are Not Special" post.

Someone please explain it to me.

P.S. There are not 4000 literary agents in the United States. Maybe in the world. Maybe. And that's including assistants. And the cleaning lady who works in the agency building.